Lizerbeam's top five Jokes

updated on December 25 @ 4:30pm 1 comments . view previous

  The Punchline   notes
1. I Meant To Say 'will You Please Pass The Salt' But Instead I Said 'you !$%*&!% $#*!# You Ruined My Life!' So, these two guys are chatting about freudian slips...
2. Because Her Son Died Why was the mother flea crying?
3. He Sold His Soul To Santa Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshiper?
4. Ping Pong What is a skunk's favorite game?
5. You Know Superman, You Can Be A Real Ass When You're Drunk. I like this one, too.

Benji!'s top five Jokes

updated on September 20 @ 6:29pm 0 comments . view previous

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1. Holy Shit! A Talking Muffin! Two muffins are sitting in an oven. The first muffin says to the second muffin, "Is it getting hot in here?"

quick aside: this joke would still be number one if it stopped here...

And the second muffin says...
2. I'm Looking For The Man Who Shot My Paw! A dog wearing a sling swaggers into a bar and says...
3. Oh, I Thought You Said You Were A Moose... You have to see this one...
4. You Know Superman, You Can Be A Real Ass When You're Drunk. I'll type this up later...
5. A Pilot, You Racist. What do you call a black person flying a plane?

THE Lowly Peon's top five Jokes

posted on September 20 @ 6:26pm 1 comments . view previous

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1. Well I Guess We Solved That Problem so a chicken and an egg are lying in bed. the chicken's smoking a cigarette and says "i guess that solves that problem
2. Can't Cross Scalars what do you get when you cross a mountain lion and a billy goat? nothing. you can't cross scalars
3. Tooth Hurty what time did the (fill in the blank with race) man go to the dentist? tooth-hurty
4. Assume The Cow Is A Sphere so a mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer are sitting at a bar, discussing the best way to approximate the volume of a cow. engineer says put him in a tub, see how much water he displaces. mathematician says, ah good idea. but too expensive. i'd approximate a curve, rotate about the axis, and integrate. physicist says, still too much work. this is what i'd do. assume the cow is a sphere
5. Arrrh It's Drivin Me Nuts so a pirate walks into the bar with a steering wheel in his pants. the bar tender says hey man what's with the steering wheel? pirate says, arrrh it's drivin me nuts

jokes are funny. not too into dead baby jokes or blonde jokes, but there are a few good ones